What I been doing lately

I like quiet when I write.

Some of these bipeds thínk banging on the keyboard makes them type faster. No wonder I stayed at home to write.

Friday I got into,

I think I am getting a headache. I am alone, but i can´t get away from people.

Berlin is where I am right now. I pick a nice quiet place and soon somebody....enough complaing.

I have been enjoying this town for 2 days now.

It was chilling and snowing on Friday. Very wintery for the first time almost a storm. I was going to take a bus tour, but I couldn´t find the meeting place in time. I wouldn´t have seen much anyway, it was snowing that much.

I eventually found my way back to the hostel where I got a bed. Oh, I bought a winter hat, they didn´t have black so I got this deep burgandy or cabernet or soem wine color. It´s not red or purple, they had none in solid black.

I had the house dinner, chicken stew, rice, and salad. Not bad. Then I took a 2 hour nap. When the 2 other fellows in the room returned, I ventured out in to the night to find a beer and some sights.

I wen to the Potsdamner Platz. they have movies and theatrre up there. Sony has a big showcase. The BlueMan Group are also ín town. I saw a show of theirs in 1994 in NYC. I am tempted to see how much tickets are because that would be good to see alone.

There were no places to go for drinks. So after walking a few more blocks, 10 or 12 maybe, I foung a cafe that sold beer, but it closed a half hour later. I had time for 2 and I scoped that latest local paper, complete with titty shots, 3 different ones at least. Then back to the Hostel.

I saw an american girl, she was raised on promises, who talked with a friend about philosophy.

You people have no idea what it tis like to be me, every conversation you overhear sounds like the dumbest one ever.

So she says something like, 'Philosophy is all just questions, maybe I don´t know enough, but it doesn´t have any answers.'

It had to point out that Rene´ Descartes had an answer to the question: Do I really exist? Cogito Ergo Sum. Je pense, que je serait. I think therefore I am.

She hadn´t heard of him. Put down the philosophy, kids should play with sharp objects.

I went to bed.

The next day, filled with lunchmeat, cheese, cereal, and zeal, I found my way to the Zoololgischer Garten station to do a walking tour or Berlin.

The tour was given by a Scottish guy about my age. He is a writer who has been living in Berlin for 10 years. He loves it. He is trying to finish his first novel. If is reads like he told stories on the tour, it should be a one.

We learned about the founding of the city and how it came to prominence. We also got to some of the good stuff about why stuff was still there or was only partially destroyed. We visited the site of Hitler´s bunker, now an apartment block, which is the old Nazi headquarters. The Reichstag is quite impressive. The Chancellors house isn´t. The locals call it the washing machine, cause that´s what it looks like.

There is alot more but I am not typing that all out.

A few of us on the tour, those travelling alone and under 40, had some coffee and beer at a beer hall. Quite good. There Was KEnny, Tyler, Charlie, Katrina, and an Australian girl whose name I ahve forgot and gave the wrong country code for my cell number. Strike 1.

I may email Katrina and she what she says about a date. Will I do it in time? How long will she be in Town.

I returned to the Hostel for dinner and a cold shower, not on purpose, some yoga, and some map work to make it out to a pub crawl.

Made it there! A good group of Aussies, Zealanders, and Americans were out for drinks. Everyone was pretty cool ,except for 2 americans. The loud white guy with the baseball hat yelled at the bartender, shocking. The black dude from LA who never took off his shades thought he got dissed, Surprise! If I wore sunglasses all night I would have seen that coming. Neither of them made it to the club at the end. I did, bút left soon after, out of money and will.

I did find my way home and got up for breakfast.



More to come.

Here´s a post

The computer I am on has throw me off myspace 3 times now. No Idea why.
I hate kids.
Loud little fuckers.
College kids, rude little fuckers.

Now that is off my chest.

I haven´t found shit to do in Hamburg. Tours are tours. Wow, another old building. I am going to save my money, walk from place to place, and write. That is what I have time for doing.

There is no music here. I may have to try something new. Oh no!
I haven´t got an email from Seano one time except for him to bitch at me about free form jokers on the podcast site. Gee thanks. Like he owns shit.

The only time your hear anything from that guy is about what is bothering him. My life hasn´t been exactly roses and I get no support, just whining. Complain to your wife!

Ous show has gone nowhere in months. What does he think our listeners want? Entertainment. Who cares who is doing it? Here´s a show idea. Argue with your wife for an hour. That sure beats the crap out of me and Chief Drunken New Teeth.

Glad that´s out. No hard feelings.
He probably isn´t reading this anyway. How would I know?

Hamburg, den of depravity. Well, I just had beers.

Today and Yesterday I am in Hamburg, Germany. I took a guided bust tour, which just happened to cover what I had already known.

Quick Hamburg facts.

The 8th largest port in the world, by tonnage.

The Beatles came here in the early 60´s before the got big. The hung around the Reeperbahn. I don´t know how that translates. It probably means: place where they try to drag you into strip clubs, porn shops, and hookers can work the street from 8pm to 6am. I wouldn´t want a girl who has still there at 6am. In winter, thy all wear pink and white clothes. Ski jackets and stuff. It loks like a vanetine´s day candy coming after your dick. They grab your arm and plead. I may run the gauntlet again tonight just for kicks.

The Have three rivers here. One was damned for a while for a factory. But the guy who owned it flooded it once and it turned into a accidental lake.

I guess there is stuff to do here at night but I am having trouble finding it. Aimless walking is less fun in boots and cold weather.

It snowed here for the first time so far on my trip. It was great. Most of it melted though. It is still cold.

I haven´t picked up any German ladies yet. They charge too much! Kidding I am language impaired. That´s no excuse. It didn´t matter with Nina.

My socks will be thrown away.

There is no Gold Bond powder here. I need some.

People aren´t real thrilled with snoring in the Hostel. Any suggestions? I have to sleep with my mouth covered or closed. That´s not sleeping.

The hostel I am staying in is very modern and sits between the harbor and a huge statue of Otto von Bismarck.

I am sick of Red light districts, they seem to be everywhere. I am not bringing home any painful souvenirs.

Where´s the good clean fun?

I have no right to be bored, but what is there to do? Siteseeing only takes so much time. There has to be more culture thatn old buildings. I will takes tours in each new place I go.

I took the Jägermeister Tour. IT was great. If you want to go make an appointment. I had to go to Wölfenbüttel twice to get one. Call their Tourist office.

JägerMeister facts:

There is no deer blood in it.

Curt Mast developed the formula.

His descedents own the whole company. They must be so loaded. Surprise! They don´t work there.

There are 56 ingredients in Jäger.

Jäger buys their alcohol. THey make none.

They flavor the alcohol with the ingredient mixture. Like tea, but it is done at room temperature.

Jäger concentrate is aged for a year in old cleaned wine barrels so it will breath.

It is finished by adding more water and then bottled.Some concentrate i sent to other locations for bottling.

All Jäger in the US is made in Wolfenbuttel. I think. I audio recorded the tour.

The tour guide was Anja or anija, an uncommon name.

She said blowjob. It didn´´t laugh but that clip will be on the Seano and JEfe Show.

That´s all for now.

JEfe

I don´t fix all my mistake because it takes too much time thatI am paying for.,

Hating internet cafe´s still

So the last place I was at sucked. I found a better, more expensive place in a casino. Who would a thunk it?
I cried over Nina.
Not because I felt sorry for myself. I don´t. Something wonderful was over and I am sad for that loss. This was unlike all of the other girls I have cried over. I felt like a sorry ass.
Here´s to the power of true love and the good that it brings!
I knew I had to come see her and I am glad I did.
Today I went for a walk around Hannover. A beautiful city with plenty of old building left standing from the war. I believe that will be a recurring theme throughout my German excursion.
If anyone wants to write me at any point during my trip please do.
I need some companionship even if it just a note. None of you have told me how you are doing.
My life should be more interesting right now, but I still want to hear about you.
I need to learn how to find things to do out here. It ain´t easy. My brain and bowels can only take so much bar hopping.
I went to the Jager factory on Monday. NO tour no dice. So I go back tomorrow before heading to Hamburg.
I need a warm hat. Finally. I am not used to the cold.

I can´t post pictures from these fucking places either!

As long as you think about the irony

I told her I loved her.
She said she loved me.
Before.
Not anymore.
Not that way.
We are still friends.
I still find her charming and wonderful.
I had to be here and push her to know that we are through as lovers.
It had to be that way.
I had to be sure.
She is still special.
I am too.
That is life.
Even two people who think the best of each other stop being in love.
What a kick in the ass.
I love you Nina.
Thank you for everything.
I needed it more than I can say.

Time to Know

I am going to see Nina at 3pm at the Central tram stop.
We spoke last night. It doesn't look good for el Jefe.
As I sat by myself, after many vodkas and beers, one important thing occurred to me.
I am doing exactly what I want to do.
Maybe for the first time in my life.
Not that I regret how I have lived.
But I haven't felt that I was doing exactly what I should be doing.
Being in Switzerland.
Telling Nina I love her.
Accepting fate.
I am doing what I want.

Zurich, the Return

What are 3 things I don't care about? fashion style and shopping
Europe has all of those and for only twice the price.
Who wants shoes for ..150? Maybe a matching cap for £50? Don't forget your special gloves ath the low price of 45 chf.
Really, it's not so bad.
I think Zurich and Amsterdam are 2 of the priciest places I could have chosen to visit in the first part of my trip. Thanks to good friends, it hasn't stung my funds too much. Except in Tilburg, where I know no one.
I don't feel like typing each detail for my readers. But here's some travel tips I plan on using through the rest of my journey.
Always bring a bottle of wine on long train rides, especially the overnights. Drinks are at a premium. You will save a ton with just one or two bottles. Some trains have bars, some have a smoking car with racks of unchilled beer or wine. You can't complain, you forgot to stock up. Beer at the store is a about a dollar a can. This price triples on the train. Trying hanging the beer out an opened window to cool it faster. Don't get caught! I think you can drink beer anywhere you like here, so why go into a bar?
Bread also is a must. Rolls are easier than loaves, but these are harder to find if you shop in the evening. Get ready for the best of the rest. Do like I do, try anything twice.
I have had trouble finding small portions of meat and cheese. So I just ate more meat and cheese. Win-Win!
Fruit is also a must. You need your vitamins and roughage if you hope to proerly digest all of that beer, wine, meat, and cheese.
Premade sandwiches feels like a rip-off. If you want to pay too much for speed, wait until you find a kebap-felafel shop. These are plentiful in city setttings.
Also plentiful are the massage places. Or is it just where I have been staying? No need to be alone in Europe unless you want to be. I have no idea what this costs and I don't care to.
Don't plan on sleeping to well in the train bed either. Unless you like a real firm matress. I haven't been to a hostel yet, so I am not sure if those sleep better or not. But the price may be about the same as the extra cost to my Eurail pass. More on that later.
Dutch people hate the Belgians and use too many vowels in their words, but they speak English well.
The Van Gogh was great. The RijksMuseum was as well. According the that place the Dutch are the best people on the face of the planet. Let's keep that VanEgo in the DeCheck.
I did get lost a little on Tuesday night, well turned around. It also had nothing to do with that thing I bought at the Bulldog.
Ben Ottewell concerts are great. Amsterdam food was great. Todd and Michelle were great. Maybe I will see them again.
That's all I really have today.

Amsterdam is a hoot!

My trip here has been great.

After a confusing train ride from Tilburg, I have been treated amazingly by my hosts Todd and Michelle. The video is of their great apartment. They have been living here since August. Her twin sister, not identical but they look similar, lives here as well.

Here's a brief recap of Saturday.

Find my way to Todd and Michelle's. We do some catch up and then Todd and I head to the Leidseplein for beers.

Michelle, Renee and Jeff meet us there for more beers and light chatting. Jeff also likes Gomez and is pleased to hear Ben is playing that night.

Off to Pastini's for dinner with all and Chris and Allison. Dinner was great and I left a bit early so not to miss much of the concert. Didn't work. I caught about half, but got in for free.

So did Todd, Michelle, Jeff and Renee. I also recorded the last 30 minutes of the set. Sounds okay, people were talking through the whole set.

Gave away rest of pins and Stickers I had left from the Gomez Listening party last April. I kept the shirt that I wore form them, it's cold in January.

Off to the bar again and Todd brought along 2 Dutch girls Rochelle and Katrinka, and a Welsh couple, Phil and Christine, I think. How fun is that?

3 rounds later, out into the rain, Jeff steals a cab at the stand, and back to Oud Zuid, the area Todd lives.

Any questions?

Sunday I walked to the Heineken experience. I want to put my pictures from it in one slide show. That will come later. Dutch beer is so great.

After that I walked to city from bar to coffeeshop to bar to pub to toilet and back to Todd's to meet for dinner. The Welsh couple met us there as well. They love the Young Ones so we went on about that through dinner.

Back to the apartment to watch a little football. We saw the Bears win. Then to bed. I slept like a log. Which meant I had dreams.

I was friends with Mick Jagger and his 14 year old daughter wanted to date me. I don't think he has a daughter that age. In the dream he had 7 kids. He wanted to do some work with me, not sure what now. But his house had this castle like glass foyer with the names of all the Rolling Stones tunes etched into the glass.

Of course dating the girl got me in trouble, not cause I did anything wrong, the girl just liked to play games.

Next, my van, the Econoline I used to own, got stolen by the Yakuza.Which was horrible because I had already smashed up my Pathfinder trying to impress Jagger's kids by driving a Semi into it. I can't drive a tractor trailer even in my dreams.

After that I think I yelled at my mom about my not having a car.

Then I went to work where Albert Brooks was the boss. I couldn't stop laughing because I remembered the Simpsons' episode were he was the James Bond Villain character. So I said "papaya papayin" over and over like from the show. People around me got tired of it faster than I.

I think then, I woke up. Here's to the Dream!


Here's a video of the flat where I am staying. Very nice. Thank you Todd and Michelle.

I went to the Heineken Brewery Tour!

A quick review of my first day in the Netherlands. Beautifully wrapped up with a tour of the Heineken Brewery. There is more to say about this place. But it was the weekend and we have been enjoying ourselves all the while. I know the audio doesn't sync well with the video. Not my fault. Blame Youtube, the most amazing thing to hit the Internet since email. Here's a picture of Nina for the heck of it.

Making Heineken

This was shown during the Heineken Experience tour in Amsterdam. It's just a small bit. If I showed the whole thing you would never go yourself!

Jefe from Holland

I don't think I finished saying that I wanted to thank all of my friends for giving me a good send off for my trip. Especially Matt and Cicely who fed me fondue, showed me the movie Eurotrip, and took me to the Airport.

See me later!

Playing Catch(up)

Been sorta busy.....here's what happenend.
Tuesday morning I caught the local train to Turgi. Near there, Vögelsang is where Tim Merkel (Fairport,NY) lives with his wife and children. He teches English and takes care of the kids. She, Dagmar, works full time at a power production company. No au pairs for this pair. Their children are Hannah, 3, and Jamie, 14 months. Very cute blond kids.
Tim and the kids and I went to the Rigi, the closest mountain to zurich. I had been last year, but there is nothing like a ride up a Swiss mountain. We took the gondola from Weggis and the train to the top.
Since there is little to no snow this year, the place was abandoned. We were lucky to get something to eat as everything was closing early due to the lack of customers.
The view was still exceptional. It is so remarkably different than anything I am used to seeing inthe states. White snow hugging black rocks lording over the clouds.
On the way back down, we could see the lights of the lake towns. There were even ferry boats in operation, the lake hasn't frozen. The city light over three lakes was new to me, so peaceful. To anyone nervous about heights, it gets easier everytime you ride the gondola. If it doesn't, close your eyes.
We left for the in-laws, as it was Opa's 76th birthday. An Austrian by birth, he's been in Switzerland for 40 years. I can't really say what and where Tim's in-laws are all from. I thought his wife was German, some in her family are, some live in Germany, some are Hessians, and they talk funny, but I didn't meet any of them.
Dagmar's brother and wife were very nice. He gave me a Dutch beer called Anker. Their four boys all look like smaller versions of the other, and they love to have Tim's kids to play with, since that keeps them from being the youngest any longer.
The lady of the house made a delicious goulash, which must mean beef soup, cause that's what it looked like, which was served with rolls.
Dessert was vanilla creme banana roll and sweet bread.
From there, Tim and I returned to Zurich to practice with his baseball squad, the Zurich Lions. Only about 5 guys showed up. We ran double play and grounder drills. An unexpected event.
I drove the family van back to Vögelsang and stayed the night is the guest room after a little american style channel surfing on the Eurocable. The broadcasting standards are a little more liberal on this side of the pond. And they show just as much hockey.
Next morning we walked the neighrborhood with the kids. The sun came out, apparently a rarity in switzerland winters. Thus, all the going to the mountains on weekends, to see the sun.
Tim's house and property back into a river. This has got him into kayaking, which will soon replace baseball as his main exercise. Also, he plans on redesigning the yard and the garden cottage to make his promising English instruction school more appealing.
I took the 14:28 back to Zurich and walked from there to Mona's. She left the key for me, thank goodness and consideration, so geting to rest my dogs was no problems. After a quick rest, for some reason, I was really head tired this day, I called Nina to get together.
I walked to her place. It isn't far. I will walk more, it just isn't really worth the fare each time to ride the bus. Baseball practice proved I need the exercise.
She let me in and we had tea and sweets. Her new place is great, roomy for city standards, and functional. Even small balconies for nice evenings. If you look over at the neighboring building, you can see them all cooking or showering at the same time. The clock making has worked its way into the DNA I guess.
We talked about this or that and I learned something new about her. SHE LIKES JäGERMEISTER! I don't know how this one got by me but it did. As If I wasn't already sold. But it isn't all up to me.
We went to a bar by the Central tram station, about 1km from her flat. We drank jäger over ice and talked about this or that. We are getting along well. No romance though.
To be honest, I would rather hang around Zurich all day just to meet her for coffee or a drink, than travel Europe. Cause when she is there, other places don't matter.
But that's not what I am gonna do. I am off to Amsterdam, on the overnight train, for a few nights to see Ben Ottewell from Gomez play live. After I meet Nina for a drink, of course.

Sleep of Ages

Yeah, I slept a lot today. Maybe I am wasting time. Maybe I am saving money. Maybe I didn't want to walk all over town.
Over the last month, probably more, I have not slept very well at all. Sometimes getting only five hours a night. That's no way to live. So after I awoke today, I finished my leftover lunch from yesterday and took a bath. Then lying down seemed like the thing to do. Then sleeping did. I hope I am not up all night as I won't have much to do. Bars here are weird and different and don't have much of a bar and I don't feel super social all of the time.
Zurich has a hockey team, I would like to see a game.
I have to help Mona with her english lessons. She has to pass the Cambridge Certificate in Advanced English test in order to teach that subject. The same test I would take if I wanted to do so. Tim Merkel passed it.
Nina is absolutely stunning, even dressed in street clothes. I am curious to see her in school marm gear. I doubt it is a snug skirt-suit with knee high boots, but one can always hope. She said she does have to be strict with the students.
Interesting story about her.
In early November, prior to her birthday, she had a bad bicycle wreck. She rode into an opened car door. Not her fault.
I have only been told piecemeal what has really happened.
At first I was told it was no big deal, so I thought bumps and bruises.
Next I hear its the hospital and bandages and missing work. Okay, worse but not scary.
Yesterday, it comes up again. She tells me that she didn't stop bleeding out her nose for days. They kept her for observation. they had to rebreak her nose to set it. Her roommate, Hammer, had to stay with her to take care of her because she couldn't do much for herself and some had to be there in case of an emergency. She also had a minor nose job, the top of her bridge is smaller than before. I noticed, which I think started the conversation in the first place.
Bottom line, I have to see pictures from the accident. I am glad they fixed her up good, but that wouldn't change how I feel.

Three King's Day

In Switzerland, January sixth is Three Kings Day. they bake a special round bread that has six rolls attatched to the side. In one of the pieces, there is a plastic king figurine. Whoever finds it, and doesn't get it caught in their throat, is the King for a day.
For my day, I went to the store to pick up bloody mary supplies, a favorite of my hostess, Mona. the store had no horseradish. I think she takes them without, so no problem. I went to the store with her roommate Julien. He is Swiss-English, Swinglish, and chose zurich over London. The store had only 2 kinds of vodka, Wyobrodka and Smirnoff. And I picked up some Feldshlossen beer, the local Old Style.
After returning to the flat, Julien went off about his day and Mona finally returned from the Mountains. They do that alot here. She was at a Betty Ford party, the opposite of rehab. irony is alive and well `im Schwiez.` We proceeded to drink Koteli, a sweet swiss liquor and exchange pleasantries and cigarettes.
Mona's friend Mary arrived for dinner a little later. Mona prepared Sausage with beets and carrots over rice. delicious. Mary brought along some traditional sauce from the Philippines, as her mother is from there. Mary neither speaks spanish or is Catholic, a first among anyone I have met with that heritage. She was very nice and is in teaching like Mona and Nina.
After a fine dinner, Mario, Nina's brother, came by to say hello and go with Mona to a party. I declined as I wasn't sure how long I would have the energy to stay awake.
I can't say enough about how nice everyone I have been around has been. Great for a first day!
A funny thing happened on my way to this flat yesterday, someone asked me for directions to some street around here. I had no idea, and they spoke german, not my first language.

Back In Zurich

After an hour of delays, The plane flew out of Sacto. No big deal, I was in no hurry. Window Seat. Good. Loud and energetic foreign child sittning behind me, not good.
I don't want to quash a youngsters enthusiasm, but why shouldn't that child behave for some part of a 4 and a half hour flight?
The in flight movie was the one about the bartender who tried out for the Philiadelphia Eagles back in 76 and makes the team. Good story. It was still a typical film about believing in yourself and not quitting. More than that, it was about trying your best. A very melodramtic oeuvre it was. The best way to put that type of message across to an audience.
The good thing about it was it's factual basis. Not like that Hilary Duff Uber-scheize about being a star. Stars don't make the world go around. Then again, everyone has a different idea about hard work.
Flight 2 was more of the same. No, it was better. I was so delirious from not sleeping, the miles just slipped away. A couple of tall beers before hand didn't hurt.
Whilst having those beers, I made soome friends. First was Tessa, a young woman returning to LA. She had been there 6 months. We talked about what we were doing and why we were travelling. Got to know a little. I think she dug me. Or the smile was from beer on my chin.
Another guy I spoke to was visiting family in DC. He got to visit some Congressional inaugural parties. According to him, Jon Kyl is a huge attention getter, popular or powerful. The same thing in DC I assume. Anyhow, this guy doesn't like wearing ties or paying $10 for drinks. We related. even when discussing politics.
Which reminds me, CNN is bullshit. It's just one hit piece on the President after another. Some may be deserved, but the constant barrage is disgusting.
Back to FLight 2. I sat next to a Virginia Tech co-ed spendind $12,000 on a semester abroad to study marketing in Lugano, Switzerland. Yeah, they know something about marketing allright.
This young lady was friendlty and laughed at my jokes. There should be more like her.$
8 hours later, I got off the plane at the Zurich flughofen and onto a terminal tram. In the tunnel you see a scrolling video pictoral of a Swiss Miss blowing a kiss at you. This was a new one on me. Innovative could describe it. So would arousing. Memorable.
From there, a breeze through customs and I'm on a train to central Zurich. I phone a friend and here I am. Only 2:00pm. No sleep and a long night ahead.
And, I got to clean up. first time since before I cleared out my appartment.

Bitterness and the move forward

I am taking a long trip soon.
Things aren't going quite as hoped.
Still, who knows if this is good or bad?
I sure don't. I never know what will happen. The trip will be fun or at least challenging. Which could be better? Fun is always good, but challenging is more fulfilling.
I will get lonely and miss my friends. I will meet new people.
Let's stay in touch.
Jefe

Last Week in Sacto

Folks,
My time is limited. I am moving out of my apartment and taking off to Europe for 2 months.
I am anxious. I need to get a lot done between now and January 5th. I may not blog a lot.

If anyone cares to share their experience of their travels over there, I would love to hear it.

Seano got mad at me for posting Free Form Jokers on the Seano and Jefe site.
I want to do another FFJ, but it may not happen soon. Look for the new link here.

I will Vidblog about the move for sure.

Wish me luck!

Jefe

Jefe's First VidBlog

Click here for my first video

No Xmas for Mahmoud

Peace On Earth

Goodwill Towards Men

Those are weighty platitudes coming from a nation of invaders and imperialists. Our hypocrisy must look so dire to little Mahmoud, benevolently sandwiched between Iraq and Afghanistan. During this holiday season, he won't be pulling for the King of the Jews. He is too busy planning the demise of the Jewish masses.

So, in order to be true to the spirit of Xmas, do we need to forgive and pray for the holiday wishes of even our most despicable nemesis? Do we hope that that our tiny Tim of freedom for the Middle East will warm the heart of this olive skinned and black bearded Scrooge? Or do we expect to hear that "Christ"mas is humbug?

What would a prayer sound like?

Santa. I know the uranium enrichment process is going slower than Mahmoud would like. He sent such a nice letter to the American people condemning bad things and Zionists, could you not bring him a little nuclear secret? Then they can save all that oil they have. If he has been bad, it is only because we have behaved badly.

Also, please make sure all the nasty extra explosives he is sending to Iraq make it there the way your presents do. After all, he is only looking to open up the marketplace of ideas and freedom with all of those IED's. It's the only way there can be a fair fight.

Finally, let the people, especially those pesky students, see the light about his leadership. It takes a lot of time and money to fix an election well enough to fool Billy and Jimmy. So if the people understood his mission of fairness and free expression, they would vote for him out of their spirit of goodness.

The miracle of Xmas is that we can hope for the best for anyone, no matter who they are.

Don't be overheard when I'm around.

Last night after work, I stopped by my local to have a quick one and one. A Jager and a beer. Whilst lounging on the front porch, some rub-a-dubs attempted to gain admission. The door guy explained that he couldn't let one of them in, as a passport isn't acceptable ID, to the ABC. He was polite and was even giving options.
Two of her friends were walking away, the guy was saying to the girl," he's got some problem, he makes six bucks an hour...blah blah..."
This set me off.
I bluntly interrogated about who in Hades he was, does he feel better about himself now, does he think it is cool to talk like that where we can all hear him, does he really think all that hair gel is cool, and was that all he had to say. You get my point.
And so did the rest of the patio patrons. He got hooted out of there and probably won't consider returning soon.
Maybe I was upset because I make $6/hour. Plus tips, really $6.75. But I take shit from people all the time. I did that same night.
I work with a pretty blond girl on Thursday and Saturday nights. Last night I scooped a tip off the bar where she had helped them. $2. the jerk who left the $2 says

Drunk Jerk-that's for her.
Me- yeah, we split tips.
Drunk Jerk-I bet you don't make as much as her
Me-(biting lip)(holding tongue)
Me-(thinking) yeah, I never earned a $2 tip before.

Yeah I lashed out at a place I didn't work, because I couldn't where I did work.

No Rape-Rape Case

Surprise! The biggest farce of a criminal case in years has gone belly up. Those guys who didn't do anything except hire a dancer, didn't like the fact that she showed up to do her job wasted, are no longer facing rape charges.
Watch the coverage for people who will still be screaming because they are sure that those boys did something wrong.
Wonder to yourself, what the hell is wrong with them?
If it is you, what the hell is wrong with you?

Ends with a Prom.....

Is there a movie about the high school experience that doesn't include some kind of pivotal moment that occurs at the Prom? Yes, it's called a climax. But like most of you, I didn't climax at my prom. I'm still waiting for that to happen any formal event.
What's the deal with that? Is it not possible to sell a script about the high school experience that doesn't follow the last year with the mandatory dress-up gala? Even Napoleon Dynamite, a unique cellulose oeuvre, had the big dance.
Sixteen Candles doesn't have a prom, but is still has a dance. So does Dazed and Confused. Is this all there is to coming of age? Sure doesn't seem like much. That's disappointing.
I think back about those days, prom certainly wasn't the be all and end all. I hardly remember it. I would have skipped it except you are trained to think you might be missing something. You also expect maybe something will happen, almost conditioned to, and if it doesn't the night is a failure.
Now I get it, it is a metaphor for life. You get ready, all primed for something to happen. You spend years educating yourself. You get some money saved up. You pick out the nicest set of clothes you can find. You set your hopes up to the sky. But it's just a nice car ride and a good meal.
Many of life's big events are like this: Prom, Wedding, Graduation, Funeral.
Life's real BIG events are in between, but you don't know when they will happen. So you have to be ready all of the time. That's why people hate thinking of a great comeback 5 minutes after the fact. They miss a carpe diem moment. They should be more clever.

Here are some words people use in place of being clever.

Naked (a real attention getter)
I'm Jewish (some comedians never let you forget)
Jesus____(Lizard, built my Hot Rod, and Mary Chain)
God_____(flesh, head)
The Devil______(wears Prada, in Miss Jones)

Have you seen that show Little People, Big World? It's about a family started by a vertically challenged couple. It was on in the bar Monday night. We didn't have the sound up, so you had to guess what they were saying. The mom(Amy) is giving her son(Zach), also a dwarf, a haircut. Here's how I think it goes...

Amy: What do you think son? Do you like it?
Zach: It makes me look short.

I couldn't help it. I am still laughing even now.

Who's Shallow?

We are now in the era of the modern Play-Grrrl. Britney and Paris make headlines for picking their noses and fiancees with the same amount of care. Teenage girls have their own shows merely for being cute. Most girls with that much money can look cute. Envious, not really, but who wouldn't like the money?
I want to call out all of the jealous people. You will know who you are because you call these ladies shallow. You know you have done it. Yes, that is code for how you wish you were them.

What do you mean when call them shallow? You say that those girls are lack depth, they don't think about the important things in life. They do. They have money, they don't need to think the same things are important.

Rich people get to have a different set of cares than us middle or lower class folks.

Rent- a musical their dad produced
Bills- for the masseuse and the spa and the jewelers.
Cars-are they still made in America?
Marriages-if this ain't the one, the GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER.
College-they don't exist for you and me and don't offer scholarships.

When issues like these don't ruffle your feather any day of the week, why not worry about stupid crap like someone's boyfriend or dare each other not to wear underwear when you know you are going to get pictures taken of you when you leave the house.
Is that all she had to do to hang out with them? Is the Brit that hard up for friends? Why do I care?

People, you are right. These chicks are shallow. It is a luxury we all wish to afford.

Eurail Pass

It is here. My Eurail Pass has arrived.I have 15 days of access to Europe. I can visit 5 countries in that time. I chose Switzerland, Italy, Germany, Austria and BeNeLux(Belgium, the Netherlands, and Luxembourg.) I have only tentative plans of where to go so far.
On December 13th, Ben from Gomez is playing in Amsterdam. I am hoping Nina will go with me to enjoy the sounds and the Heineken. she doesn't like beer though. What else do they have in Amsterdam?
I also will go to Rome and The Vatican. A pilgrimage of sorts that will also take me to Sicily. I have no idea where to go while there, but why should that matter. The blood in my veins will be my guide.
Vienna is also on tap since it is the home of Classical music. I enjoy walking around cities and seeing what unique things they have to offer. I love to look up at the tall buildings that people have built.
I won't be able to resist Berlin. Take me to your heavy metal. I love German Death Metal and can't wait to see it live and in person.
My plans will be based upon what I have to do. One core thing that draws me to a place. The rest I will take as it comes and keep it loose. I will probably plan ahead for room accommodations. Staying in hostels as they are more affordable. I hope the like snoring Americans.
I know I will visit breweries and museums and clubs and concert halls. I may ski the Alps, if I feel like spending money on the gear.
I will take lots of pictures. I will keep posting.
If you have any suggestions, I would love to hear them.

Who reads blogs on Sundays?

There is hardly ever anyone on line on the weekends.
Is this because people aren't blowing off work to write on their blogs?
I'll have you know that I use 100% my own time to write down my thoughts on this site.
It is a job thing?
Daily writing is somewhat of a chore, weekends are for fun and relaxation. not scouring your mind to come up with something relevant to say. Not that very many blogs have any relevance to anyone who isn't the blogger. In fact, I have been scouring the blogs for anything that I may like to keep up on regularly. I haven't yet. I am grateful you are even reading this.
I do it to keep my mind active and to commit to a regular exercise in typing and writing. Some of my better posts are when I have nothing planned.
Yesterday, I found out how much I enjoy hyperlinking. It has to be one of the best things about Internet journalism. Cross-referencing at the push of a button. I'm surprised libraries have anyone besides the homeless and lonely in them.
When is the last time you were at a library?
It was over a year for me. I think I went there to use the Internet.
Not that I think public libraries are bad, but the worst smells I have ever encountered where there.
One time I was reading the rules that are posted in the lobby of the Sac Library main branch. As I perused, a woman and her son, fully grown, were asking questions at the checkout desk. The urine effluvium hit me like a lead pillow. Definitely against the rules. Don't try to imagine what their home must be like.
I wonder if they can use a scratch and sniff book? Would they notice?
Civilized countries should have laws about hygiene. Why do they give free food to the vagrants? They really need is a shower and clean clothes.

This post makes little sense and I don't care.

Are you the chosen one?

Do you feel life is passing you by?

Do you think there is a greater purpose to your life than the one you are currently fulfilling?

When you get out of bed, do you wonder what is the point?

How do you know when you will be satisfied?

Do you have enough friends?

Where do you live?

Will all of your questions be answered?

I don't know either. Ididn't know what to blog today so I thought I try something fun. Check out the links for a laugh.

My life, I think I spend a lot of time trying to think up a good joke or something clever to say.

Will this get me a house or a wife or satisfaction? Baby Jesus I hope so.

Work is work and a job is just a job. People need to love themselves in order to get beyond the mundane circumstance of everyday life. Love gets you over the questions that have no answers.
Regularly, I sit back and take in the majesty our civilization has afforded us. Being the fool that I am, I get mad at myself for wasting time. I should spend that free time being grateful for the extra time I do have. It isn't free, it was paid for by those before me.

To you I say thank you.

To anyone who is ungrateful, ask why you are the fool.

Love to you all.

Jefe

Dragon minus D plus E equals Eragon

Yeah, so like there's this new movie out called Eragon. It's about a dragon. Get it Dragon, Eragon. Let me guess the sequel's title: Fragon.

Another casualty of the George Lucas school of sci-fi creativity. Remember Mace Windu? Hmmm........... a mace is a weapon, wind is an active noun plus U. What a great name!

Let's make one up now. We need a tough word.......noun or adjective.how about Gear. Another for the last name plus a vowel. Something elemental. Grass plus U. Gear Grassu, the newest hero in a story far, far away. He's a fifth level cleric with a sixth sense for danger. A lone hunter who cruises the cosmos in his diversity-powered Title IX fighter in search of the one thing that can save the universe, sex without consequence or broccoli without gas.

You too can make your own hero. Just don't be too original or the movie won't be made in your lifetime. Cash in while you can.

Acoustic Music doesn't sell booze

Last night at work the show was Matt Hopper and Kat Jones . A great show. She sang wonderfully and he played a fun set. The problem is that few people ever drink much during these shows. It doesn't matter what day of the week it is, these mellow artists do not sell booze.

So you are someone who books show and has to bring money into the bar. What do you do? You book rock bands. 50 people at a rock show will drink twice as much as 100 people at an acoustic show. These are real numbers. That's why most of these people play at coffeehouses.

Bring on the bluegrass, country, rock, or even r&b,hell, maybe even karaoke, but keep the acoustic folk out of my bar. I need to make a buck.

Once you get to know them...

Last night at my job, the Speaker of the California State Assembly had a party thanking the local party staffers for their hard work during the campaigh season. I'm glad they had a good time. I just wish they lost more seats in November.
A co-worker mentioned aloud that my politics were different than theirs. Bars are off limits to religion and politics. I quickly quieted him as I was there to earn a living. Besides, it would have taken too long to convince the entire room how mistaken they were.
The night went on with the group drinking steady, not real heavy. Tips weren't exactly flowing in. It got a little frustrating. This conservative had to think, "those Dems are a lot more frugal spending their own money."
So now I am thinking about life and politics. We can deal with each other one to one and have minor difficulties. Really, how many enemies do you have? When do you get upset with people you know or even strangers? Is it over little things?
I guess getting upset over the small stuff is a problem only a few of us have. Politics magnifies our differences in ways we don't see. Because we see our own point of view and it seems to make a great deal of sense. When others vision of the way it should be is put into action, it can be very frustrating indeed.
I was in a room filled with 200 people who support abortion, affirmative action, terrorism as a legal problem, higher taxes, and big government. Stuff I think makes no sense.
And I don't think there has been a nicer group of people in there since I have worked there. They also paid us very well for our effort.
Thank you very much and good luck.
That's all I wanted to say.

Things that should be removed from cars

America is a nation of drivers. I assume it always will be. The only thing that may change will be the power supply. I do not always enjoy my drive. When I do, it is because there a few others on the road doing the usual rude and unsafe acts. I have a few ideas about what we can do to make the driving experience somewhat less painful.

1. Remove all turn signals from motor vehicles. "Jefe, what a radical move. Why so extreme?" Most people don't understand why they have a turn signal. It is for whenever you turn or make a lane change. Now it will be easier to understand when you are cut off on the road with out any advanced warning. Therefore less road rage.
2. Maximum wattage for car stereos. The size of car stereos has gotten out of control. Go ahead, pimp your ride, but keep the volume to the paint job. Your damn bass is gonna shake your taillights out. I remember my friend put a huge woofer in his Hyundai hatchback and we cranked the Ministry all the way up. Our whole bodies shook and we laughed. We knew we were scaring or angering the other drivers. That's why they do it today. There is no right or good reason for these monstrosities. Lose them.
3. Bye Bye car alarms. Have these ever done anyone right? Here's what they actually do. They wake you up at 7 am on Sunday morning. The one day you can sleep off your hangover. The one day that almost everyone doesn't have to go to work super early. Have you ever seen anybody breaking into a car as you hear the alarm going off? Let's just give out the car alarm stickers for free to everyone. Keep the thieves guessing.
4. Old people, see ya. Or they may not drive during times when the carpool lanes are open. This keeps them out of rush hour traffic. Have you been stuck in gridlock and look over at a blue hair. You think, "Where are they going?" It ain't work. It ain't anywhere in a hurry. They have all day to go where they need to go. Why do they jam up the road for people with schedules? I say they should quit slowing down the people with normal motor skills.

Well, that's where I would start. These few simple suggestions could get us well on our way out of traffic court, anger management, and high blood pressure. Wow, I think I finally found a cause that cound turn me into an activist.

Space Shuttle and Sports

Space shuttle launches are hardly ever watched anymore. You never know when to catch them because they only take off in perfect conditions. I happen to have all day to wait for this to happen. But I don't. I know they have good reason to wait for a perfectly clear night or day. It costs a lot of money, too much to let bad weather be a problem. This thing is going into space, it should be kinda tough, right? They let us ride around in planes in worse weather. Well, I should be wondering, because I'm no rocket scientist.

I may have said this before and I will say it again. I can't listen to sports broadcasting. It isn't any fun. All they do is talk and talk about hall of fame this and Pro Bowl that. If they aren't showing the game, they are showing you the athete's wife or some idiot movie star who is at the game. Why should any of us care? We are already taking time from our lives to tune in. They go off and find ways to make each show longer and more full of fluff. I can put up with commercial breaks, but I just want to watch a game to see a game.

Don't lobby me on the air for more games. I'm yelling at you college sports commentators. Leave the students to their studies. I'm sorry your paycheck and identity are so tied up in these young adults playing a game, but shut up about it. I'm going to shove their less that stellar graduation rates in your face when you beg for more programming.

I like winning and losing, but your indignance over the lack of a playoff system in Division I-A football is very minor problem. Lives are not being ruined, fortunes aren't being lost. Especially by coaches making seven figures at a non-profit institution. save your bellaching when congress changes their tax status and the money train gets a little smaller.

I wonder when Sacramento will fall apart. It seems like whenever there is heavy rain, my power goes out. It must have happened 10 times this year. I can't remember being anywhere and this happening so much. The local power company wants to take over more consumer territory, but they aren't doing much with what they have. Hooray for public utilties. They fool us into thinking we have a say by letting us vote for the board members. I don't think it has helped much.

Jumanji is on every weekend on TNT. Why? I watched it again. I guess other people are. There is tons of screaming in that movie.

War in, -5000 geez

The real me.......

Things that make me happy:
the upcoming weekend (yay!)
the fact that Gwen Stefani is performing on SNL this weekend (although I am lukewarm about her latest album)
Grammy nominations for the Dixie Chicks and Mary J. Blige (!!)
dachshunds (so cute)
cherry cola and chocolate (but not together)

Things that make me unhappy:
the number of Grammy nominations for Christina Aguilera and Madonna's latest efforts (too few)
the cold I am currently trying to overcome (blech)
today's bitter cold weather (brrr)
the fact that I still have a lot of Christmas shopping to do (argghhh)
the current television hiatus (boo)
That's all for now.

.......makes fun of idiots like this

Let Him Out

Today is the anniversary of the murder of John Lennon. His killer, Mark David Chapman, was denied parole for the fourth time earlier in the year. Is there a reason we are still paying for this cat to enjoy a nice cushy prison cell?
I, for one, would like to take a real big swing at this jerk. Too much?
How about the sight of him trying to walk down the street and everyone on that road trying to trip him.
He doesn't deserve the privilege of sanctity in America's world leading incarceration network.
Maybe you are thinking now, "Jefe, if Lennon was alive today he wouldn't like the Iraq War or President Bush."
Yeah, I know. He was the original Hippie. You take the good with the bad. Lennon was an original. He could be a man and still bare his feelings to the world. He turned his frailty into a strength. We could all learn a lesson.
Every murder in this world is a vile act. Those of us who suffer the beast know the pain the most. Each of them owes a debt to the Lord and to mankind. Where they pay, I assume it is worse than what they suffer here.
Still, some have done us more damage than others. Some, like Chapman, have taken more than they could ever repay sitting in some jail cell. So I say to you....

Gentlemen...................Crack your knuckles!

Let Him Out.

13 channels of shit to choose from

That famous line from Pink Floyd's 'Nobody Home' was quite prescient. Now there are 200 channels and TV hasn't become more watchable.

How many things on that box are actually interesting?

You love the Food network? How many recipes have you used from that channel?

You can sit around and watch cartoons and home improvements and up to the minute news and this that and the other. All the while commercials familiarize you with products you might like to buy.

Where is the real value?

The News tells you what they want you to hear. I can't watch it. I watch news analysis, where issues are discussed.

Sports are sports. It is more fun to go to a game anyhow. If you like that sort of thing.

And so on.
I am going to stop complaining and get to my point.

If the TV is your window to the world, then it is the world's window to you. Looking back the other way is someone sitting at the bar or on their couch not doing much of anything. The people on the other side are having all the fun.

Why pay them for that?

Ahh..the good ole days.

People always long for days gone by. They have wishful phrases they repeat to no end. "When I was a kid, people didn't lock their doors at night." "Back in the day we used to...." "Remember the time we...." "When I was a kid...." "Before when you drove home drunk, the cops would give you a ride, not a night in jail." Are things so bad today that we should spend time hoping they will be like yesterday?

Me, I live for the moment. That's why I'm blogging more. Right now in fact.

Where the old days so great? I think I like to day better.

Yeah, there's a war on, but when isn't there. A lot less people are dying in this one. We probably won't end up conquered from losing this one. At least not soon. World War II, Hitler wasn't stopping. The Civil War, bloodbath city. And think of those wars before we had guns and could shoot each other from a safe distance away. People would run at you with a big hunk of metal and try to remove your limbs from your body

Houses. Never better. I can't stand these steel windows in my apartment. They suck whatever cold is outside and bring it right into my apartment. Now everything built has double paned and insulated vinyl windows. Your friend in the hot or the cold. How can it get better?

Work. More people have jobs than ever before. Most of them aren't hard labor, they are jobs using your mind. We have so much work that you don't even need to speak our language or enter the country legally and you can get a job.

Movies. I may write a blog next week about how movies are dead. They are. but they've never looked better. They can make a movie to look like anything anyone can dream up, and it won't look fake. Return of the King I bet most of that movie was never even built, it was all virtual. It was one of the best looking movies I have ever seen.

Sex. Hhmmm. That's up to you. It don't matter what year it is.

Alcohol. Nowadays, most alcohol you can buy won't make you blind. Remember prohibition? Of course not, only really old people do and they don't use computers. Back them you had to buy it illegally and it could kill you. It also could tatse so bad that you had to mask the flavor with anything. That's how we got mixed drinks.

Computers. Now we have them. Before we didn't. I don't need to visit libraries anymore. This thing still angers me, but no one can see me in my apartment pounding my fist on my desk.

Cars. They are faster, better, and more fuel efficient.

Yeah, I like today. I'll leave the 'wishing for the past' to the Commies and the Native Americans.

What is the opposite of pain?

When the Internet began to hit full stride, say 1999, I began to discover its usefulness as a resource. I read an number of articles at The Laissez-Faire Times. One of its writers was Wolf DeVoon. (http://www.geocities.com/dv05131970/page1.html) One of his articles asked the question, 'What is the opposite of Justice?' The answer is mercy.
Today I was wondering "What is the opposite of pain?'
Well?

It isn't no pain. No pain is no feeling. Pain is definitely a feeling. So it's opposite must also be a feeling. Let's ask Kirk VanHouten.

One may think it is joy. I'm not so sure. There is one kind of joy, whie you get it in many ways, it usually feels the same. Pain comes from many different things and feels many dfifferent ways. Just go to the pharmacy and see how many types of pain relievers there are to cure all of one's pains.

Is it gain? If there's no gain with pain, then no pain means gain.

I'm running out of ideas. There's happy and sad. Laugh and cry. Wet and dry. Courage and Fear. Pain and ....

Any ideas?

E-nuff and his sick uv u cru!

I am about a month away from a very long trip out of the country. Exciting to be sure. But I need to ask myself. Why am I going?

At first I thought it was for a woman. Well, I think she is The Woman, we have had a love affair, but we haven't really dated. But as I ponder the trip and the plans I need to make, there is a lot I want a break from here in the States.

You. Yes, it was you all of the time. The things you say, the way you don't keep me amused. The way you do all of these things that I can't understand. When you walk down the street, how can you not notice that it isn't a walkway built just for you? Other people need to use it. It seems blind people are more considerate than your cell phone talking ass.

Sports broadcasting. Why do these well paid and well spoken monkeys talk like a football game can be so gosh darn important? Let me tell you something, it isn't. It is just a game. It has no real importance on the world. Tell me this, do you think your precious Raiders are going to stop a nuke from blowing up the Golden Gate Bridge? There are fools who want to go to a college because of their basketball team. Hell of a way to start planning a life.

Movies. Why should you go to the movies anymore? there is nothing new. Oooh what can I pay 10 bucks to see again this week? A stupid holiday farce, a historical holiday drama, action complete with shiny explosions, some trouble making children with dumb adult and a lot of falling down, or a coming of age sex comedy(cause farts are funny!) This crap rakes in millions and buy mansions for vapid yet coherent narcissists.

Commercials. Why does every ad have to be funny right now? I have a new rule, if your commercial tries or does make me laugh, I buy nothing from you. This means no Bud Light, sportscenter, Jack In the box, CDW, DHL, IBM, Intel, Verizon, or Capital One. No that I put it that way, the day looks brighter.

News. This is the last time I say this, journalists are not unbiased. Never have been , never will be. At least when they say they are, you will know who the liars are.

I love this country and I plan on coming back. Who knows when? How will I feel when I get back? Good.

If anything is spelled wrong, I don't care.

What a Wonderful(fucked) World

There is so much crap in the news. You know what I mean? Like hey, why doesn't everybody just chill out for a while. I need to try and sort this out in my head.

So there's this dude in Pakistan who hates us, not just the righties, but the lefties too. But he lives in a cave and believes that he should destroy us. what's his deal, we never set out one day and told him that he shouldn't believe something and we didn't try that hard to kill him before he wrecked the tallest shit in NYC.

Then there's this other guy who runs a country and he wants to destroy all the Jews in Israel. He freaking thinks his God wants all the Jews dead. Did he ever ask himself why a God would need 5 million dead Jews? This sand plower got the Aryan-Hitler gene somehow.

Another guy killed his wife and her date with a knife about 12 years ago. he avoided jail ,but not culpability. Anyhow, he wrote a book about how he would have killed them if he did. The woman he killed had 2 of his children. what goes through their minds? A lot of intoxicants someday.

There's this district attorney in North Carolina who destroyed three young men's college careers over rape accusations. He still plans on going to court with the deal even though he may not have much of a case. Why do I think that? He hasn't even interviewed the victim. A victim who has no DNA on her from the 3 men that are going to stand trial. One of the accused was at a bank machine at the time of the crime.

Running the show is a Commander in chief who has to win a war without anyone dying. His opposition wants us to be reactionary to any threats. After some of us die, go arrest the bad guys. That is great as long as you weren't in the World Trade Center. Hey, if getting dirty bombers lawyers is their top priority, why are we going to spend $XO Billion to build another WTC? So it will get knocked down again? I really want to know how many lawyers have stopped terrorism?

Freedom is a bitch. That's what makes America such a beautiful and crazy place to be. All this bad news, or good for me and bad for you or is it the other way around? At least here we turn it up a notch and fight it out amongst ourselves. And at least we are still fighting.

The Spaniards gave up as soon as they got hit. The French, their cities are burning due to a minority they imported and mistreated. Not to mention, the only moral compass in that country comes from the Koran. Drinking wine, taking vacation, and going on strike isn't a code of ethics, at least not one that can survive. The British let Muslims scream how they want to take over England in England. By the time those enlightened Europeans get old, the minorities will be majorities who won't see the need of paying them fat benefits, because those Muslims will have large families to take care of them and the white Europeans won't. Idiots.

It's a lot to think about. Why do I want a drink? Old habits......

I welcome a new Congress. I feel safer when nothing in government gets done. How can they keep track of the laws they already have? I can't and I'm smart.

Oh yeah, fuck people and their car alarms.

Have a nice day!

Columbia-School, Country, or Record Company

For some reason, this was on my mind with the earliest thoughts of the day. The others were some freaky dream that I cannot remember well enough to recount. So let's briefly remind ourselves about each one and pick the best.

Columbia University-an Ivy League School Located in Manhattan, NYC. Probably most noted for its School of Journalism. Although it is distinguished for many other things. Columbia, Like many other universities has fallen under the spell of noisy self-righteousness, I mean protesting. Not content in rooting for our enemies in foreign wars, they also are against law and order here at home. On October 4, 2006 a group of student protesters mounted the stage during a speech Made by A founder of the Minutemen Project. I find their train of thought intriguing. Illegal aliens should be allowed to enter our country at will, but U.S. citizens don't deserve their First Amendment rights when you don't agree with them. Let's hope the future leadears of America don't go to C.U.

Colombia(White Powdery Jewel of South America)- A democratic republic with a stable goverment, yet to be completely hegemenous due to strength of the drug trade. The countries terrain is as diverse as its ethnic makeup. All types are to be found in Colombia. There is also a vibrant urban and rural populations. With a progressive and reform minded government, this country looks to be a part of the Free West, not taking the lead of thugs like Hugo Chavez in Venezuela. Now just stop with the coke please.

Columbia Records- One of the first distributors of Edison phonographs. They obviously got into recording and selling records. They were the first company to introduce the LP. Over the years, Columbia Records has brought us music from Tony Bennett, David Bowie, Alice in Chains, Billy Joel, Mariah Carrey, and Cyndi Lauper. Columbia is now owned by Sony.

My winner is Colombia-the country. With all of its faults, it is at least trying hard to be better. Those snot nosed Ivy Leaugers seem to have forgotten what freedom is. They are more pre-occupied with ivory tower concepts like peace and diversity. Columbia Records is a Japanese company now producing non-musical pop music. Their best days are long gone. Anyone care to disagree, let's hear it!

Thank you Wikipedia.com for your help

Why I am not a Comedian

I like to kid around and make jokes. At one time, I thought telling jokes is what I wanted to do for a living. Maybe I still do. All right I do.However, I have never wanted to be labeled as a comedian. I want to be the guy who tells jokes and is taken seriously. Yeah, I'm screwed up. But that's the way I am and I don't care who knows.
However,I did make a list of tens why I don't want to do stand up comedy.
1) Roasts- telling the same joke about different people.
2)Fat jokes- these are never nice unless you are fat and you tell them about yourself.
3)Begging drunks for laughs- If they need to be sauced to laugh, you aren't very funny.
4)Being even lonelier- I lead a fairly solitary life so far, so being on the road as a one-man act doesn't sound too appealing.
5)Catholic Priest jokes are tired.
6)No boss to mock-this one could go either way, especially now that my sister is my boss.
7)I never want the same job as Kathy Griffin.
8)I can't fart on cue-we have to live with some regrets.
9)I don't want Sportscenter to steal my jokes.
10)Standing in front of a crowd and only telling jokes is stupid.

Kramer and Apologies

If you haven't heard, that guy Kramer (Michael Richards) from Seinfeld is a bad comedian. Oh yeah, he also called two black guys niggers. Why he thought that was funny I'll never know. Why two black guys went to see Kramer do Stand-up I'll never know either. The two men exhibited poor judgement. Kramer's behavior is deplorable.
Jerry Seinfeld had Kramer appear on Letterman to apologize or whatever he could do to show remorse.
The two men got lawyers. They want an apology. I am going to assume monetary compensation since that is why one gets a lawyer. I don't know what they hope to achieve or believe they deserve.
An apology when you get a lawyer involved is meaningless. It has been forced. Michael Richards may be a good enough actor to make it believable, but no more sincere.
Will an apology make what he said disappear? Do these guys care what this jerk thinks anyways after this incident? Why wouldn't they want the whole thing to go away? What is their concept of justice?
Money. This must be the reason.Why?
Is it a First Amendment issue? You can't say nigger anymore? You definitely shouldn't, but can't.
Are people no longer allowed to be offended? Will law boil down to whim?
I use poor language too frequently and at the wrong times maybe, but should I be punished?
Why should someone's hurt feelings be a claim on your wealth? Will only rich people be able to afford to be offensive? Will poor people be jailed for being offensive?
My sympathy ends for those guys when they get a lawyer. There was no contract or law violated.
So they get $50,000? Are they going to buy a car? Then every time they go into their driveway they could say "there's the car I bought with the money I got from Kramer for calling me a nigger."
Some things are worth forgetting. I would think that this would be one of them. I also have not been told my whole life that I live in a racist country and people treat me differently for the color of my skin.

Saturdays as a Bartender

I have worked in bars for many years now. Mostly on weekends because that is where the money and work is. I am used to it.
However, there is always this limbo with my time between shifts. You can't do what everyone else is doing. Chances are, you will have to leave just as things are getting going. I usually end up on my couch going through a r.e.m. sleep of television and napping. There is nothing to watch. It seems the one good thing the television industry does is put horrible programming on Saturday afternoons so you have to get out and go do something. This does not help me.

Let's run down my Saturday options.

1)Go to a Bar and have a beer.
I just left a bar. I do not want to go near another drink until I am back at work.

2)Spend time with friends.
Sounds good. But most have already made their plans. They are going to San Fran. There is a wedding. There is a party I will leave early.

3) Go to the store and get some shopping done.
I tried this one time. the place was so full of other people and their families I left before I got what I wanted. Nothing but wall to wall noise. Not what I need between busy nights of the bar biz.

4) Relax with a book, movie, or video game.
What do you think I have been doing the rest of the week?

5)Get a Hobby
You're looking at it.

That beer sounds pretty good.

It is just beginning!

Day of Days!

Notable events at my Thanksgiving:

One guest drinking straight out of a bottle of Wild Turkey bourbon.

That same guest showing me dog hair on an hors d'ouevre cracker while I am eating said snacks.

That same guest opeing the faux champagne without a towel over the dining room floor.

Me not believing he wasn't invited somewhere else.

I do like this person, I just never knew how quickly his playfulness could become malevolent.

I had pretty good day, I went home after Spiderman 2 was over.

Here's what really gets me, those kids with bowl cuts who repeatedly show up in movies and television. Quick examples: Nicholas from Eight is Enough. Jonathan from Who's the Boss. Max from Liar, Liar. The boy twins from Full House. Oliver from The Brady Bunch.

What is so damn cute about these haircuts?

Why does this style defy the ages?

This toe head Beatles homage spans American entertainment history.

Can't children be cute in some other way? What am I missing? Bring back baseball hats jeans with a hole in the knee.

It's just as another example of adults using children as their pawns.

It's not quite as sick as using your child to block an abortion clinic or a human shield.

But sick like........ not getting any marketable skills of your own to earn a living besides forcing your kid to go from audition to audition.

I hope kid has more than a public record of cutesy haircuts when he turns 18.

Things I hope this kid doesn't have by his 21st year:

Alocoholism.

More illegitemate children than the L.A. Lakers.

Familiarity with more than 5 types of narcotics.

A rap sheet.

A guest spot on Ellen-Where have I been since Liar Liar?

A commercial for a chain of check cashing stores.

An inoperable tumor.

The need for serious life counseling.

A divorce.

A 3 digit bank account.

An offer to be in a porn movie.

What can I say?

The holidays make me a caring person.

Quick Holiday Post

It is Thanksgiving Day!
How do I know?
The Lions lost.
My hangover just went away.
There is no food around accept Thanksgiving dinner and I can't touch that until 5 o'clock.
Also, no one is on the net today, they are spending time with friends and family.
I will be too. However, I decided to blog everyday. (Like Pamela reminded me bloggers are supposed to do.) So here I am. I want to thank all of you for reading this or listening to my show. I am glad that I do something that provides interest and enjoyment to my friend and co-humans.
A special thank you to those who have especially made my life better this past year. Nina, Jane, Greg, Joel, Matt, Seano, and all my other close friends with whom I can talk.
This is as cheery as I get.
Now get eating!

Jefe

Enough Conspiracy Theories

Many an idiot has believed many ridiculous ideas in order to make some sense of the world. I have myself. No one is immune to ignorance. The surprising part is how many people indulge their ignorance. Instead of being angry, use your energy to find the truth. Some truths are evident. Lee Harvey Oswald shot JFK. Muslim Terrorists were behind 9-11. Accept it.
I know, people do things for money, like Halliburton. No-bid contracts are common for Defense Department work because we don't want our enemies to know all of our military expenditures. Think about it.
Let the internet that Shulda bin President Al Gore invented be a guide. If you can find wacko theories about fluoridation, you can know why polar ice caps calve.
There are some real phenomenon that need explaining. Start with a phone bill. Or how a phone works. These things are everywhere and no one can tell me how they work. I went to the library one time to find out, I couldn't find a decent book on the subject. Then I find Homeland Security was monitoring my account there. I mean c'mon. Have you heard about this Patriot Act. I though this was a free country.

Dreamblog

I have been thinking about blogging my dreams. They are quite odd and subject to many interpretations. I am not entirely sure that I want to share. But no one else that I know is doing it, so here goes.
Two nights ago I dreamed I was on another planet. I and a co-conspirator were on the run from authorities. The planet was all terraced waterfalls. There was a lot of swimming involved in running away. Besides the waterfalls, there were groves were you could hide under the trees so you could get way from the helicopters that were chasing us. Under the tree, their sensors couldn't locate you. We were hiding pretty good, but the guys in the helicopters started dropping friends of ours onto the ground to show they meant business. Then I woke up or I can't remember why it ended. Lots of my dreams involve being chased.
I had this one early this morning about two guys, one dressed as a priest and the other dressed in drag. They were either father and son or brothers and they were fighting about how they weren't accepting each other. Also they were rather short and looked like people who looked like Sharpeis.
I had a better dream after that but I can't remember right now. So I will tell you about my recurring dream.
I regularly have a dream where I am at college during exam week. It is very vivid, although the campus isn't always just like the University of Dayton, where I attended. In your face state school rabble.
I have either missed or cannot find my classroom, for between 1-3 classes. This is troubling, as I need 9 credits to graduate. For three months I haven't been going to class. I don't really know why. Sometimes it gets in depth, I have to plan how I will come back to finish the next semester. The dreams eerily imitate my life. Of course, going to class was never my problem, I liked my classes. It was writing papers I didn't much like. Too rigid to form. But I don't feel that way now. Although, I am partial to essays.
The other strange thing about the dream is that I DID FINISH COLLEGE. So there is obviously another unmet need in my life. I am not sure what that is yet.
We always have more to learn.

It's National Novel Writing Month

If you are interested, here's the link. It is a challenge. Not to write the Great American Novel, but a novel. It needn't be great or even American. Write about Mongols if you want. I'm doing it because I would like to say I have written a book before I die. Also, I can commit to a month.
What will it be about? Only I will know. But you can too! Just ask me for a chapter and it will be emailed as soon as I am able. Maybe, if you wan to help, send ideas to me, any and all will be included.

http://www.nanowrimo.org/

Nothing Like the World Series!

My Favorite baseball team is the Detroit Tigers. You may not care, so good for you. I do. My brother got tickets to Game 1 in Detroit for this year's World Series. I had to go. It was a homecoming. I was born in the Detroit area and my first major league baseball game was there in the summer of '77. For years, I have had to hear how bad my team was. That is over. The Tigers are the favorites. They are the best. They get to prove it. Enough sports fanaticism for me. Now my curiousity has been satisfied. My team was in the series and I was there. I may go again, but I am not sure what the future holds. This one time was worth it and I recommend it to anyone.
Jeff and Greg Gribben at Comerica Park in downtown Detroit, Michigan. 10/21/2006.

Time for a change!

Sometimes, life gets rough. Your girl may leave you and your job may suck. You need to make a change. I have decided to adopt a new persona, someone else's. I am now the Wolverine.

Links for Show 52

These are a few sites you can go to if you have more questions about what we discussed on the show.
www.uchronians.org is the site for the Belgian Waffle or a Message out Of the Future.
www.flaminglotus.com created the Serpent Mother and www.burningman.com should be obvious.
The Pendulum of fire doesn't have it's own website. So here is a link to YouTube for a video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLWST-DnwxE
Happy Viewing!

Burningman Hippies Suck

This free spirit came into our camp, ate our food, abused our goodwill, and almost hit one of our camp members. Notice the sunburned face and empty stare. Stay far away from these knuckleheads. Taking without giving. Nothing to share, nothing up there. But don't try to tell them what to do, it's Burningman, they'll do what they want.

Don't hurt your eyes

Click on the image to make it work.

You can make a wallet out of duct tape.

I was reading The Cruise by Jim Anchower in The Onion. Here's the link to find more hilarious fake news and opinion. Onion The link won't publish so find it on your own. Fuck computers. OK, I got it to work but I don't feel like re-writing. The article states that a wallet can be made from duct tape. Having the motivational level of a welfare recipient, it surprised me that I was compelled to put the theory to the test. So I did. After wasting only about 2 feet of tape, here is the majestic result. Also, I showed my neighbor and he thinks it's a trendsetter. I can't wait to see the reaction when I pull it out to show my ID at a night club.

Hey, it's hot outside!

Guess what?

It is August and it is hot. You would think this isn't news, because it is a self evident occurrence. It takes no skill at all to recognize that it is hot or cold. That is why God gave us senses. It is why muskrats that live by the river are swimming in the river. Yet, for some reason, every newscast from Portland, Maine to Portland, Oregon feels obliged to make this a story. The epitome of lazy journalism.

Mostly the news just points out all of the different ways people can die. If you die of heatstroke, you weren't that well off anyways. Does anyone watch the news to hear about the heat they went through all day? Can't anyone do the weather by now? I think so.

Many other bloggers write about this also. Why? Are they lying around the house trying to think of something to write about? Have all issues been resolved because it's too hot and no one is being controversial because of the heat? Email your friends your opinion of global warming, that will get the controversy swirling all over again.

Do you know in the spell check for this blog, bloggers isn't in there?

How do you top off stupid pants? With stupid hats.

People will always have numerous inexplicable behaviors. They seem odd to me, but if anything catches on and stays around, sooner or later it will be glorified. Sometime in the last century, or possibly sooner, black women found it necessary to wear ridiculous hats to church. I don't exactly know when this started. I have done only enough research to find photographic evidence of this phenomenon. SO correct me if you must. Since you are someone other than I, I probably won't listen. I found out one other thing, they are called crowns sometimes. Cause someone made a whole book devoted to them. So enjoy your hats ladies, cause I won't.

Feel Like Wearing Stupid Pants!

On our latest Seano and Jefe, we discuss fashions that should never come back. One of those we call stupid pants. An on line website that sells them says they are the C500 Crazee Wear Baggy Workout Gym Pant. I'll call a spade a spade and describe stupid as stupid. If you still have these in your closet, burn them. Or send them to Seano and I for our first video. It will be up on Myspace. So stay tuned.

Another One Bites the Dust

Another job has come and gone. After six weeks of employment, I have parted ways with the Sticky Wicket. Yes, I ran out of excuses to stay. Great bunch of people over there, just not enough of them. Too much time to stand. Too much time for feet to blister. Too much time to talk. Not too much money for doing those things. Plus, I need to keep busy. So I quit.
What's next? Who knows? I sure as hell don't. Someone please tell me. You're right. Only I can do that.
I know, I will spend some time talking to people who make poorly written Impeach Bush signs and see how soon I get them to insult me.

LET"S GET HYPHY

I was going to Oakland with a friend today to see a baseball game. Actually the Tigers vs. The A's. I thought I would go to SF after and do a podcast. I assumed we would do the show the same day this week as last. It is my day off and I drive to SF every week to do the show. Seano didn't call me back Tuesday night and sent this email Wednesday morning.

Jefe, I can't do a show today. We have dinner plans with Pamela's friends after work. What day would work for you this week? Let me know, Seano

On 7/5/06, Jeff gribben wrote:
How about not scheduling dinner on Wednesday? You know that I put myself out to come to San Francisco. It isn't easy and it is getting more expensive.

Here's Seano's Email to me.
Let's hear your reactions.

Then don't do it......You took a new job when you got back from Zurich, you had a new schedule...I asked you what days you had available...You said tues, wed. sat night and sunday.
If your schedule changed, you never told me. This is why I asked if you had another day available in my email this morning..... if you want to skype the shows...thats fine....but be prepared.... spend an hour or two less watching fox news and write something, Never once in 46 shows have you emailed me several days before the show with an idea.
This scrambling for bits on Tuesdays is getting old. You have 150% more time than I do. Find a subject and run it by me, pick up my slack why don't ya? They cannot all be home runs. I spend an average of three-four hours a week preparing. I log ideas. I toss ideas. They don't all work. I cannot come to Sac during the week. period. I very rarely can make it on the weekends, you drive a shitload of miles ... So maybe skype is the answer for awhile.
You have no mics, or mixers nor do you have an FTP access to Anthony. It is what it is. The fact that Pamela made dinner plans is not my fault...If you have a problem run it by her. Sometimes things come up Jeff.....And learn to accept criticism without sounding so bitter and I will do the same.
Its a sarcastic show and if I just happen to graze one of your boundaries (religion, politics, even work) you always go ballistic on the air. Its called self deprecation...Its not hurtful. And one last thing...Please do not criticize a bit while it is being recorded.Its not fair to sabotage me while I'm reading a list, do it beforehand. Lets talk about it before the show...days, not hours...Use email more
Seano

Thank you.
I have more time to watch Fox News, now that I don't need to think of a blog this week.
Jefe

The Hong Kong Phooey Page

Here's a link to that show's intro theme song. I hope it brings back memories of childhood innocence and gullability.
http://www.melaman2.com/cartoons/singles/hong.html

People That I Don't Look Like.

One problem with other people is that they are always telling you that you look like this or that person. I don't believe I look much like anyone except my father or my brother. Those guys aren't famous. I forgot to wear black when I posed for this picture. Anyway,


here are some pictures of me and some chumps who aren't nearly as good looking as I am. These guys may have some things I don't, like houses, careers and wacky religious beliefs, but I have a love of commas and vast resevoirs of untapped potential. You be the judge of who is best of this bunch. I have heard enough on the subject. Ladies, if you think I resemble these media darlings, put out or shut up. Fellas, if you think I look like these pinkos, take two steps back and think twice before you decide to insult EL JEFE.

If you can fill this cup with your dignity, I will give you five dollars!

Yesterday I went to see the Black Crowes at Sleep Train Amphitheater with my friend Joel. We had lawn seats an enjoyed the show tremendously. I am not huge into jam bands, but apparently the Black Crowes have morphed into a very good one.
Sitting in the lawn seats exposes you to a lot of different people.
Teenage girls who want older guys to check them out. Older girls drinking 2 foot margaritas who leave their fat friend to watch the blanket, while they troll for crank. A guy who makes the move to help them by taking their picture, but doesn't bother to go hit on them, and goes to sit alone with his dick in hand. Don't forget the guy whose life achievement is a full back tattoo and doesn't wear a shirt, no matter how cold it gets.
I do want to thank the lady who waved her blanket during heavy jams, she was having fun. But more importantly, the drunk guy with the young girl who came up to me and asked if I would like to see her breasts for $7 dollars so they could get a beer.
I am 36. I have seen plenty of breasts for free. I also will not be seen in public handing over money for a girl to show her boobs. Further I refuse to enter into any transaction with a drunken shirtless guy. The issue of $5 came up and he said OK. So I could see them and they still wouldn't have a beer. So I say to you .....
If you can fill this cup with your dignity, I will give you five dollars.
That cup will always be empty.

Found cool stuff!

Here's a link I found on the Gomez blog.
http://interact10ways.com/usa/information_interactive.htm
Be careful, it may draw you in for more time than you wish.