The only rapper I like has Trojan written on the outside.

That is a joke I just wrote. I haven't told it to anyone yet. I guess it wasn't totally a joke, more of a one-liner. That is the phrase.
I did some open mic comedy last evening. My friend Sara and Scott, the club owner thought it went well. I went first so the audience wasn't warmed up yet.
I wish I knew how to post audio, so I will in the future, cause I can learn stuff. But for this post, I will just type in some joke I used. Well, cut and paste them, because retyping them is such a pain.

Does it seem premature for the History channel to have a special about Nostradamus?.

Does anyone else think Mick Jagger is a liar for still singing Satisfaction? I mean, if there is anybody on this Earth who is satisfied, it is Mick 'I get it all I want anytime' Jagger. If he is still unsatisfied, he’d better become a Buddhist.

Are you automatically an asshole if you drive a monster truck sporting a handicapped license plate?

Are you guys good listeners? Cause my last girlfriend said I wasn’t a good listener. Well, she left a note. So, I went and bought an audio book about how to be a better listener. She left anyway. Too bad the tape worked, now I can really tune in to the sound of myself crying.

I even got my first cell phone for that woman. I love it, it’s a real time saver. I don’t have to wait until I get home to find out she’s not trying to call me.

Losing your girlfriend really kills your confidence. To get over it, I wrote some jokes about confidence, but I don’t think you’ll like any of them.

Part of confidence is caring about what people think about you. Some people don’t care what other people think about them, I call those people stoners.

Those are just a few. More to come.